Sometimes something said or done by us has an effect either contrary to what we may have expected, or a completely unexpected reaction. Often we realise it post the fact, but we have experienced it often, that even though we may not have meant it, people take things to heart.

On one hand, if we start getting too careful and guarded, it takes away from the fun, spontaneity, and natural flow of a relationship. On the other hand, there are times we feel that the relationship should be strong enough and there should be enough understanding such that even if we may have been a bit unmindful, which can sometimes happen, our intent should never be misunderstood.

If we look back at the times we may have unintentionally hurt people, we may well realise a few things which will hold us in good stead in future.

Sometimes people have an emotional need to be loved, acknowledged, and respected more than what we may have realised. It is not that they doubt us, but they hurt when we take them for granted and are not sensitive to their silent need.

Relationships have a different dynamic when it is one-on-one and when it is in a larger setting. We often forget that the way we speak to someone in front of others matters a lot, not because they doubt us, but because the perception others may walk away with matters to them.

And there are times when we may be expected to do something unasked, not because someone is demanding, but because they feel cared for when we do. Of course we will do things when asked, but being thoughtful about someone else on our own goes a long way in the relationship.

In spite of best efforts, we may not have control over someone’s reactions, and in spite of not meaning things, they may take it to heart. That is the time we need to put aside our ego and reach out. And when someone has taken things to heart, we will only be effective in setting things right when we stop justifying our actions, and reach out with our heart.

(Picture – Edinburgh, Scotland)