A loving relationship gives us joy that little else can, and yet sometimes the people we love the most can hurt us the most. We often wonder why we react to strongly in some relationships whereas the same thing with someone we don’t know so well hardly bothers us. We don’t realise it, but our love, though true, may not be free of our own limitations.

No one carries the capacity to always fulfil all our expectations all the time. Sometimes what we expect may not even be clear to the other person. The closer the relationship, the greater the expectation we carry. We hurt because our expectations are not met.

There will always be differences in a relationship. It’s never possible to always look at everything in the same way and agree on everything. When our point of view is rejected, it bothers us. We hurt because our ego gets hurt.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. The past sometimes catches up with us. If we are not careful, painful memories can easily resurface. If we have not truly overcome our past and have not let go, a small trigger can ignite old wounds. We hurt because we still carry emotional baggage in a relationship.

A relationship is meant to be equal. There are things someone else may be better at than us. It doesn’t mean we don’t have a point of view. But when our thoughts are dismissed without consideration, it leaves us with a low feeling. We hurt when we are taken for granted and not respected.

We could be very balanced in our relationships and yet when it comes to someone very close to us we may get over-sensitive. The smallest thing, which normally one would pass over may become a big issue. The need to ensure that nothing ever gets disturbed in some relationships can breed a subtle fear in us. We hurt because we are insecure.

When things get decided for us, at one level it makes life easy that someone is keeping an eye on things. But when we have to fight to make decisions and we don’t find the ability to easily express ourselves, we feel stifled. We hurt because we feel controlled.

There will be transactional issues we need to work through in any relationship. There will be difficult conversations. Sometimes the other person needs to relook at their actions. But that is the time when our love is truly tested. If we are not careful, it is easy for our hurts to destroy something precious.

I am reminded of something beautiful I read – ‘Love me the most when I deserve it the least, because I need it the most.’ We forget, we may not be the only one hurting in a loving relationship.

(Picture-Asia Plateau, Panchgani)