It is never easy to handle criticism. Even though others may not have understood our motives or may themselves be guided differently, the truth is our ego gets hurt when we are criticised. We experience anger, and if it is someone very close to us, from whom we expect unconditional support and understanding, we experience pain. Criticism hurts us.

But if we were to take a step back and relook at the way we understand and view criticism, we can bring about change in ourselves and our relationships. We take criticism personally, whereas we need to take it objectively.

Criticism is nothing but feedback others give us for our thoughts and behaviour. It is well possible they see things in a manner we are unaware of. Sometimes, others notice things from a distance that we cannot see close up. If we were to ask ourselves four questions, we can use criticism as a building block in life.

Have others said the same thing? When different people point us in a direction, it is worth taking notice. The criticism could point us to the self-denial we are living with.

Can it be true? Usually, our first response is to reject criticism and get defensive. When, in our time of silence we find the honesty to look at ourselves, not the way we want to be but the way we are, we may discover things that need fundamental change. Criticism challenges us to change.

Why should I change? Even if we see merit in the criticism, we often continue living with our way of doing things. Set in our ways, we could become inflexible. We sometimes miss the fact that when criticism comes from people who care for us, they may be hurting because of our attitude and actions. Criticism understood correctly makes us caring and mends relationships.

Is it my conviction or my stubbornness? There may well be times when others cannot see things the way we do. We may sometimes stand alone in the face of criticism till others share our vision. Or we may leave our path because others say so. We need to be careful we are not swayed by the opinion of others, nor on the other hand, are we stubborn. Criticism tests our conviction.

Not everything negative someone hurls at us is a stone to hurt us. It could well be the building block of our life. It has come as a blessing to open our minds and heart. It’s just that we’ve mistaken it as criticism.

(Picture-Lake Geneva at Vevey)