Deep down, we know that we may have hurt people, sometimes unintentionally, and those with whom our relationship is strained, no longer as it was before. We carry this because they matter, and somewhere we silently wish things would normalise, our challenge being that we often don’t know how. As difficult as it may be, one of the most powerful ways of not just healing relationships, but healing ourselves, is making amends.

A good engineer fixes a broken bridge. We need to re-engineer our own emotions and the way we manage our relationships to find ways of mending things. Understanding what stops us may well be a starting point to better understanding ourselves.

Often we justify our own hurts and legitimise our reaction because of someone else’s behaviour. We may have been wronged, but more than the hurt, it is our ego that stands in the way of reaching out. Our anger clouds the simple fact that when we put relationships ahead of our ego, we develop the ability to let go. Holding on is what is stopping us.

When we have unintentionally been the cause of a strained relationship, we often don’t understand why, and rather than reaching out, we shut ourselves out. The only way we can open our inner emotional knots is by taking the first step. Our pride and ego are stopping us.

Sometimes we get victimised by our own habits and repeat the same mistakes time and again. If we need to change strained relationships, we also need to change ourselves. Refusing to change is what is stopping us.

The past is dead and gone, and yet we relive the hurt in our mind so often that it becomes ingrained in us. We need to learn from the past, not live in it. A different future can only be born if we bury a hurtful past. Living in the past is what is stopping us.

And sometimes we try our best, take the first step, reach out with all good intentions, and yet are unable to make amends. We wonder whether giving up after trying our best is the right thing. Even as we physically exhaust our efforts, we need to carry these people in our thoughts and prayers. A prayer is the invisible key that opens the toughest locks. Not having enough faith in prayer is what is stopping us.

We may not be able to change the world, but we can definitely mend things. The world cannot carry the burden of hurt. We can heal the world by starting with healing our relationships.

(Picture – Caux, Switzerland)