Even as we carry several relationships in the world, it will serve us well to remind ourselves that we are first individuals. Just as only a strong tree can support other trees in a forest, we too can give our best in our relationships when we recognise, communicate and set invisible boundaries that others respect.

These invisible boundaries are not walls to distance us from people, nor is it selfish and self-centered thinking only about ourselves. On the contrary, it comes from not only our own self-awareness but also a deeper understanding of balancing being an individual and being part of a relationship.

Going to either extreme is not healthy for us and those around us. To make life only about ourselves will harden our ego and others will find it very difficult to get through to us; and losing our own identity and inner security will make us emotionally fragile and vulnerable, making it difficult for others to cope with us, and sometimes we may feel that we are being taken for granted. Invisible boundaries have a beautiful way of strengthening us, and yet allowing us to express our softer emotions with ease.

These boundaries give each one of us space that we need in our individual capacity to help us play our role happily in collective relationships. Nothing grows under the shade of an oak, similarly we too need our own space to grow and flourish.

They are a sign of respect. When we expect others to respect our boundaries, we too learn to respect theirs, and love flows from respect.

They make us more accepting even in differences. When we realise that even those closest to us are not always similar to us, rather than resenting it, we recognize their invisible boundaries and it stops bothering us once we know where they are coming from.

These boundaries don’t often get understood and we need to have conversations around setting them. When unsaid boundaries are set out of anger, they become walls that distance us. Our comfort in defining invisible boundaries is not a sign of conflict, it is a reflection of deep love, respect, and security.

The strength of a relationship is companionship and happy togetherness. When we visibly struggle in some of our relationships, it may well be time to take a step back and reset the invisible boundaries in our life.

(Picture – Botanical garden, Penang)