If we were to look back on why we may have lost out, got into arguments, or sometimes strained relationships, we may well discover a pattern which either we may be unaware of, or in denial about. It is a pattern, which if unchecked becomes a default reaction and habit; the dangerous habit that very often our first reaction is to say no.

Of course, we don’t have to say yes to everything, and we must evaluate things on merit before deciding. However, reflecting on why we say no reflexively, even when we finally do come around to staying yes, can go a long way in changing the quality of our life, decisions, and relationships.

When something is proposed that throws us out of our comfort zone, it sometimes becomes a defense mechanism to say no. We don’t realise that different people in our life will propose things from their perspective. Just because it is different doesn’t mean it needs to be opposed. Exploring life outside our comfort zone can be expanding, and we will only grow if we don’t start by saying no.

There are times we reject the suggestion not because we have given it sufficient thought, but just because it has not come from us. Our ego forms this invisible wall of rejecting before accepting. Allowing ourselves to be accepting and graceful opens up opportunities we could never have imagined. We will prosper if we don’t feed the ego by blocking ideas with a no.

Trust is the glue that binds all relationships. Sometimes our lack of faith and trust in someone is couched in saying no. We may not realise it, but by saying no we are not rejecting the idea, but rejecting the person. There will be more love in our life if we don’t convey doubt by saying no.

No matter how good we are, our experience and knowledge is limited. Allowing ourselves to explore things leads us to discovering life. We can only accept that we don’t know if we don’t start by saying no.

There are times when we need to be firm, take a stand and say no. But most times when the joys of life come knocking, let us learn to create a space before reacting. In that, we will reopen many closed doors, simply by learning not to start by saying no.

(Picture – Vancouver City seen from Stanley Park)