Over the years we have learned to negotiate our way through life, but often we find that we are negotiating with ourselves. We may not realise it, but much of our quality of life and the way our future gets shaped is determined by who wins our inner negotiation.

We make plans and decide things for ourselves. Our intellect guides us and in moments of clarity, we feel secure and motivated in our decisions. Of course, we leave room for course correction as circumstances around us change. The real inner negotiation starts when our mind wants to do something completely contrary to what we have clearly decided, and deep down when we know better.

We may have been highly motivated and inspired when making plans, and yet after some time, we may find our enthusiasm dwindling. We start negotiating with ourselves that it is okay to keep pushing things for a later day and somehow we will do things well in the future. Inertia wins the inner negotiation.

We may have been very clear about the choices we will make in life and the lines within which we will live. We start off well, disciplined and committed, and very soon the inner conversation of relaxing the boundary starts. We negotiate with ourselves that once in a way it is okay to break some rules, after all, we do so much and deserve to give ourselves a reward. Nothing wrong with rewarding ourselves, but we need to be mindful that over time, indiscipline and temptation are winning the inner negotiation.

Deep down we know something is not right, and yet we can’t help but act in a particular way, even though in moments of clarity we have decided otherwise. When we cannot overcome our hurt, regret, anger and fear, we start legitimising our behaviour. Strangely, often we can see ourselves doing and saying things we should not, yet we are unable to stop ourselves. Justification wins the inner negotiation.

Much of our success depends on how we manage our conversations with people around us. When we look back, we may well find successful negotiations that have given us much. And as we continue doing so, we need to be mindful of a simple, yet critical fact of life – true success is in winning the negotiation with ourselves.

(Picture – VanDusen botanical garden, Vancouver)