One of the most challenging aspects of managing relationships is managing expectations. People around us have expectations of us, and often we find ourselves conflicted in the way forward. If we only do what we feel like doing and disregard expectations, we risk damaging the relationship; and if we keep living our lives the way others expect us to, we risk losing our individuality and building stress and resentment over time. It will serve us well to take a step back and reflect on how to effectively manage expectations.

Sometimes an expectation is a disguised need. When we recognise that someone wants us to do, or not do something, because they value our relationship and need something, we stop viewing it as being imposed upon, and feel fortunate and humbled that we have been gifted the opportunity to be there for someone and make a difference in their life. These expectations don’t take away from us, in fact, they add value and meaning to our lives.

Sometimes an expectation is an expression of how close someone feels to us. When we realise that in asking and expecting, the other person is conveying their proximity, it ceases to stress us, and in fact, helps us build lifelong relationships.

The challenge arises when what is expected of us either goes against our values, our temperament or is being expected due to someone exercising control and authority.

When we find the courage and conviction to truly live by our values, we find it easy to communicate them to those who expect something we are not comfortable doing. When we clearly communicate what we stand for, we don’t lose people’s relationships, in fact, we gain their respect.

When something goes against our temperament, before saying no, we need to also relook at whether we are being flexible, or are we being unnecessarily stubborn and sometimes egoistic. When we do something for others, we don’t lose our individuality, in fact, we gain their love and affection. We don’t have to say yes all the time, but neither do we need to say no all the time.

When expectations come from control and authority, our ability to be assertive without being disrespectful helps reset the relationship. And in those seemingly difficult conversations, we often discover a way forward acceptable to both which neither may have started with. But we can only do this when we anchor ourselves to the principle – ‘what is right, not who is right.’

We cannot please everyone all the time, but that doesn’t mean we cannot do our best for others all the time. Life is about surprising ourselves and doing things for others and ourselves, beyond even our own expectations.

(Picture-Canadian Rockies)