The next generation is not only growing up in very different circumstances and with different experiences, opportunities, and access, they are also growing up with a mindset that may well be different. In as much as it allows them to shape society with their unique and fresh perspectives, it also poses a responsibility on the earlier generation to ensure that prosperity does not lead to irresponsibility.

It is but natural that successive generations will be better off than previous ones, and of course one would like to provide the best for them. The struggle lies in knowing how to calibrate when to give in and when not to. From experience, we know that either extreme is counterproductive. If we are too controlling, we risk them rebelling, and we may lose our relationship with them. If we are too indulgent, we risk them going astray and sometimes so far down an undesirable path that it becomes extremely difficult going forward.

Is there an approach that could serve both generations well ? Observing a potter shape her pots may serve us well.

With a firm hand she shapes the pot and puts pressure when necessary, and yet with another hand, she gently holds the pot and makes sure it doesn’t break. We too need both hands with them. With one hand we need to be firm when necessary, guiding and shaping their values, even at the cost of saying no when we need to. We need to give them a perspective so that they don’t grow out of shape. And yet, with the other hand we need to care enough that they don’t break in their formative years.

Even though there will be some friction and disagreements along the way, when the pot matures and carries the responsibilities with ease, the pot realises that both, the firm and caring hands were hands of love.

Indulgence is not love when it shapes the next generation wrongly. Never saying no is not love, but a sign of our own fearfulness of losing them by disagreeing with them. Being so busy providing for them that we don’t spend quality time is not love, but an overcompensation for our own lack of prioritisation.

And the potter regularly wets the clay to keep it soft and manageable, and it helps hold the pot together. When we instill the fundamental value of gratitude in the next generation, they will be able to hold their prosperity with responsibility.

The wheel of the world is spinning fast and in directions that are sometimes undesirable. The next generation needs our guiding and caring hands through much pressure, temptations, and confusion. The only way we can prevent them spinning out of control is by reminding ourselves that we need to learn to be a good potter to them.

(Picture-Path to the harbour in Pittenweem, Scotland)