We often believe that not having disagreements is having a happy relationship. And we try and please everyone around us. We forget that the strength of a relation lies not in avoiding disagreements, but managing conflicts and diverse viewpoints with ease.

If our security is steeped in the opinions of others or if we live with the fear of losing a relationship, we will always suppress our real feelings and say what is acceptable. But when we are secure within, having full faith in our motives, we overcome the fear of disagreements. We speak our mind. Fear breeds insecurity and this can make us very vulnerable.

When we anchor ourselves to ‘what is right, not who is right’, we drop our ego. We also stop getting personal with others. They will see that it is not them, but a point of view we are opposing. And a debate soon turns into a discussion and both people walk away with a broader point of view and having learnt something new. People respect us for being honest when we feel differently.

We must have trust and faith in the relationships we have cultivated. They are not so fragile that a contrary viewpoint will end or strain it. And if does, then we have to relook at the relationship. Strong relationships are built on mutuality, not submission.

In trying to please everyone all the time, we can lose our own individuality. It doesn’t mean we look for conflicts and differences. It just means we don’t suppress ourselves. Silently suffering because we don’t have the confidence or ability to speak up can never be a strong foundation for enduring relationships.

If we truly care for someone, we will be honest and tell them what is good for them, even if they see it otherwise. And if we don’t, we are not being honest in the relationship. And we also learn to listen and reflect when those who care for us draw our attention to a different way of thinking.

Relationships are like polishing stones that smoothen rough edges. It’s good to let sparks fly when necessary to bring out the best in both. But we can only do that when we are mindful that we cannot please everyone all the time.

(Picture – Hill station of Lonavala, 100 kms from Mumbai)