As relations grow in age they often change, and what changes is communication. We may well find few people in our life with whom we carry on the relationship but don’t carry the same openness and free flow of conversation. In our minds, we may have good reason for the change, but it leaves us with a subtle sense of loneliness, because when we stop talking, we don’t realise it, but we also stop walking together.
Our past conditions our present and future. When we have been through the same discussion and often disagreement several times, we feel there is no point in talking about it any more. For sure it gets tiring sometimes, but it is only when we leave the gate of communication open can someone walk into our point of view, and an open gate leads to an open mind for us to change as well.
Preferences create differences; differences create distance; distance creates silence and this silence often takes us in different directions. When look back and sometimes wonder what happened, we may well find that we allowed cold silence to drown the heated conversations.
We often forget that different people have different emotional needs. Some need to talk out their issues in far greater detail, and often repeatedly, to help them get closure. And some can be clinical and may not want to revisit a discussion once had. When children ask us the same question repeatedly, we happily engage, because we do it with love. When ego enters, love goes and silence finds its place.
Hurts often take root and resurface in the heat of the moment. Hurts that are not transformed, get transmitted. Silence solidifies positions, however, when we talk it out, we thaw the coldness with the warmth of care and understanding.
By now we know that no two people agree on everything all the time. But that is not the aim to always agree. It is walking together through life that matters. And we need to always remind ourselves of a simple fact – if we stop talking, we stop walking together.
(Picture – Angkor Wat temple, Cambodia)
Unfortunately, people differing on views, stop communication. As a result, the original friendship gets cold. Maybe, forever!