We like to feel in control of things and get a sense that life is manageable. Not knowing, not being in charge, and not being able to influence things not only throws us out of our comfort, but it often creates stress and anxiety. At the same time, we know that we cannot do things by ourselves and need to trust people. Herein lies an aspect of life we may have experienced but may not have realised – building trust is letting go of control.

Trust is beyond honesty. It is the paradigm with which we co-exist and co-work with people. It will serve us well to take a step back and reflect on the people close to us in life, examining how much we really trust them and how much need we still have for control.

Often we don’t delegate and allow someone to do something because deep down we don’t trust they can do a good job. Of course, we need to evaluate people’s competency, but often we get victimised by our own thought that no one can do it as well as me. Trust gets built when we start believing that people are more capable than we think.

Even after collaborating and delegating, our need to constantly keep checking, overseeing, and sometimes micro-managing comes from giving the person responsibility but not trusting that things will be done well. Of course we need to review periodically, but to believe that if I am not watching it constantly it won’t get done is building an invisible wall of control and closing the gate of trust.

Often our prejudices, biases and past experiences stop us from getting to know someone before deciding whether we can trust them or not, only because they come from a background we have a pre-conceived notion about. Trust gets built when we get to know the person behind the label.

Control and trust are like two children on a see-saw, when one goes up, the other comes down. When we give trust, even though hesitantly sometimes, most often we are surprised by the outcome – like a strong light on a clear mirror it positively reflects back to us.

Building trust is the foundation of building any relationship. And if we are struggling with good people in our life and yet the relationship is not as smooth as we would like it to be, we need to take a step back and remind ourselves that building trust is willing to let go of control.

(Picture – Udaipur )