It is easy to love, but it is not easy to love without expectations. Even in some of our closest relationships, we often have periods of strain and stress. It is not that we have fallen out of love, though it may seem so in such times. It is just that we find the love being eclipsed by a stronger emotion, and if we reflect on it, we will realise it is the shadow of expectations. And if we are not careful and mindful, we will start seeing the three manifestations of this, even in a loving relationship.

In a relationship, expectation has its roots in ego. We often forget, that even though the bond is of love, it is a bond between two personalities. Each person in a relationship carries an ego. When we leave aside our ego, love flourishes. But the moment we drop our guard and assert, not love, but ego, we risk triggering the ego in the other, and soon it is the expectation of the ego that spars, suppressing the love that bonds.

We all have needs, it is natural. But when our needs become the paradigm, we lose sight of the underlying love. At some level, we lose faith in the underlying relationship and assert our needs. And when both in a relationship focus on what each one needs, they both stop focussing on what each one can give to nourish the relationship. The experience of love gets lost when we are too focussed on the expectation of our needs being met.

Even though we know there is love, our expectations come from our insecurity. We may not realise it, but what we may perceive as a secure loving relationship, can get easily shaken by small aberrations. We are all human and prone to our moods, inconsistencies, and oversight. The expectation that everything should be okay all the time to calm our insecurities, can create pressure, and soon a loving relationship can become stormy.

To love is to give. But our fear of being taken for granted keeps us away from giving unconditionally. It is quite possible that there may be times when our feelings and needs are overlooked, and we find ourselves giving more than receiving, and the converse may well be true. But before we allow our ego, needs, and insecurity to rear their ugly head, we need to answer for ourselves the fundamental question – ‘what does it mean to be in a loving relationship?’

The sun shines in its own glory. It is true that dark clouds cover the sun and we cannot experience its warmth. But no matter how dark the cloud, the sun is unconditioned by it. And when the fresh breeze blows the clouds away, the sun emerges effortlessly. Sometimes dark clouds enter our relationships. We can protect ourselves from getting conditioned by them if our love is unconditional. But we can only love unconditionally if we learn to love without expectations.

(Picture-Sunset in Lonavala)