To manage our stress, we need to understand why we get stressed. Stress is a state of mind when things play out differently than the way we want them to. It has its roots in expectations, uncertainty and non-acceptance.

In our relationships, when people behave contrary to our expectations, we get stressed. When we put in our best and the outcome is short of what we expected, the result stresses us. When our desires are not fulfilled, we are disappointed, and often agitated.

We know that life is full of twists and turns, and yet uncertainty stresses us. Our deep-seated desire for predictability makes us emotionally fragile. Anything that happens out of our picture-perfect image of life becomes the cause for stress.

When we are faced with situations that are thrust upon us which we don’t enjoy handling, our resistance causes stress. We find ourselves fighting life, rather than enjoying life. Almost every day we can recount situations and people that have caused us stress.

Managing stress lies in changing our state of mind. Acceptance, knowledge and endurance help us manage stress.

It is very easy to slip into either rage or self-pity when things go wrong. I remember my mother giving me one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received when I was complaining about things. After hearing me ventilate about all my challenges, she very calmly said – “Never ask why me. Always ask – now what.” Accepting the fact and turning our stress to a positive question – ‘now what’, gives the mind focus, direction and purpose.

We don’t realise it, but our knowledge about ourselves is inadequate. We don’t know ourselves well enough. If we reflect on our true potential and inner power, we will realise that our ability to solve a problem is always greater than the problem. Believing in ourselves turns our stress into a challenge.

There are times we slip up and make mistakes for which we have to pay a price. Guilt, anger and stress overshadow our ability. After the initial flush of agitation, when we collect our thoughts and honestly accept our mistake, our stress turns to endurance. We take responsibility for our actions and endure the consequences with grit and determination, coming out stronger for the next phase of our life.

A spring when stretched goes back to its natural state at the first opportunity. Stress takes us away from our natural state. When we wake up with a sense of hope and sleep with a sense of gratitude, we know we have learned how to manage our stress.