Separation brings pain. Our attachment to people, experiences and organisations creates the deep feeling of sadness when we no longer have them in our life. An often we live with this pain as part of us whenever earlier memories flood our mind.

To deal with our pain, we need to understand our pain. Pain is nothing but the emotion attached to an event which we continue holding on to, even when the event has passed. Handled correctly, not only can we rid ourselves of our pain, we can use it to our advantage in our growth and development.

The pain of losing someone is natural. But if we replace the memory of loss with the memories of  happy times we have had, not only do we fill ourselves with joy, we realise that every relationship we carry will one day end, and the only thing that matters is filling it with as much joy as we can. Pain gives way to joy.

The pain of a bad separation with a partner, spouse or friend can be traumatic. But if we take a step back and objectively reflect on the entire experience and set of events, not only do we become wiser about the world, we start understanding ourselves better. We start managing our current relationships differently. Pain gives way to learning and growing.

When we see others going through situations we ourselves may have painfully experienced, we are able to understand them and reach out to them. Pain gives way to compassion.

When we receive the support of so many who have helped us through our difficult times, we realise how blessed we are. Pain gives way to gratitude.

And when we acknowledge our pain and objectively allow ourselves to bring everything that happened to our conscious awareness, without blocking anything from our mind, we will discover that we were pained because we once loved. And in connecting with our deep pain, we re-connect with the deep love we carry. Pain gives way to love.

But our true test is being able to think well of those who may have caused us pain and make amends for the pain we may have caused. The deeper the pain, the harder this becomes but this is where our real growth lies. Pain gives way to forgiveness and humility.

Pain is the fire that ignites the joy, learning, growth, gratitude, forgiveness, humility and love in us. We can carry our pain as a burden or see it as a blessing!