We get Attached to people and things. This bonding becomes a bondage, making us ecstatic when we have it and miserable when we don’t.

Repeated thoughts start making patterns in our minds, just like repeated machining makes groves in an object. Repetitive thinking builds attachment. We know we are attached to something when the thought of the experience lingers with us even after the event or when we are anxious to get something.

When we understand the temporary nature of things, we realise our attachments cannot give us lasting happiness. Knowledge helps drop our attachments.

Allowing our minds to get anxious and preoccupied with an expectant event, or allowing it to drift in the dead moments of the wonderful past, strengthens attachment. Bringing our mind back to the here and now weakens our attachments.

We get attached to our image and what people think of us. “How will it look” becomes the paradigm rather than what’s the right thing to do. Dropping our ego helps drop our attachments.

But we can only effectively drop something lower if we hold on to something higher. We don’t realise it, but the antidote to attachment is love. In true love, we give. When we are attached we expect. In love, we live with joy. In our attachments, we live for joy. When attached, we are unhappy when we don’t get. Operating from love we’re happy for the other to get. Attachments cloud our judgment. True love for something gives us a vision. When attached, we cling on. In true love, we’re secure enough to let go.

Nothing grows under the shade of an oak. Those close to us, especially our children, need their place in the sun. Our attachment to them does them more harm than good. Our true love for them sets them free to live, learn, make mistakes, discover and become the wonderful person they are meant to be. 

Not being attached doesn’t mean we don’t care or move away. Just like a lotus flower lives in the water without getting wet, we must live in our relationships without getting attached. And when we truly love without attachment, we set ourselves free.