People have expectations of us. We have expectations from life. This world of expectations in our minds can be the cause of much anxiety.
Having expectations is natural and advisable in some cases. Transactional relationships sustain because promises are given and the expectations of honouring commitments are met. And when express expectations are broken, consequences are acceptable. This helps maintain the sanctity of agreements and contracts.
The challenge is when expectations enter our personal relationships.
An expectation is a condition. Even though it may be fair and reasonable, a condition nonetheless. We don’t realise it, but these expectations and unsaid conditions are the weak spots in our relationships. When our expectations are not met we feel let down, angry, and hurt. Many relationships give way because expectations were not met.
And sometimes we put pressure on others with our expectations, sometimes unsaid. In a relationship when someone is always on edge ensuring everything is absolutely fine because it’s expected to be so, it takes away the joy and fun from the relationship.
And sometimes we make the mistake of living our aspirations through our children, burdening them with our expectations.
Relationships built on unconditional love, understanding and acceptance endure the test of life. But this is not easy. It needs the deepest level of trust, starting with being secure ourselves. It needs us to tap deep within to love, not because of, but in spite of. It needs us to realise ego has no place in our personal relationships. It needs us to care when the other has made a mistake. But most importantly it needs us to give space and build a relationship on equality and respect.
And sometimes when we’ve given unconditionally, we feel we’ve not been appreciated. And it’s true, sometimes we do get taken for granted. But that shouldn’t stop us from giving. Giving is a sign of strength and abundance, not weakness and submission.
We are conditioned from childhood. When we are able to realise and transcend our conditioning, we find an inner freedom. And in that freedom, we find the Joy of Life which, in our personal relationships dissolves the Expectations.
Hey Vivek,
I was highly recommended to visit & subscribe to this blog by Amrish Arora (a dear friend).
Please add me to your daily mailing list.
Thank you.
Amrish is very generous with his words, I will add you to our list.
Hi. A thought that crossed my mind which I felt like sharing. We also have expectations from ourselves and when we cannot meet up to these expectations which we have set for ourselves, we often get discouraged and angry at ourselves. Thus we need to be aware of having realistic expectations from ourselves. We also need to continue loving ourselves and forgive ourselves if at times we slip from meeting our expectations and continue afresh.
Thanks Maya. If we’re too hard in ourselves it can be detrimental. Setting high standards is good, but like you said, getting discouraged if we don’t achieve them is something we must be careful about.
I’m a friend of Amrish Arora. He couldn’t stop praising you and your talks in yesterday’s evening walk .
Thanks Mukesh, Amrish is very kind. I will add you
To love with no expectations is true love and unconditional love , we often read about this but find it so difficult to practice.like you wrote from very early childhood we are conditioned to expect and only when we let go fully of our ego and expectations we can feel the true joy of giving.